With my singleton I was trapped, I was depressed, I was happy to spend time with him and he was the light of my life, but I was losing myself and my mind. Every day my son had to go to sleep from noon to three. I was afraid of breast feeding in public. I had all these rules that I thought I had to abide by. But I really didn’t. These imaginary rules ruled my life.
This time around my sons chaotic life rules my life with my twins. It was time to think outside of the gerber box. And I have learned so much from it. And so have the twins. Perspective is every thing. And for me, the ability to not be trapped by the “hard task” of raising twins, is all too empowering. (don’t get me wrong, some days I want to scream and drink a botttle of wine too). But, for what it’s worth, I find this time around so much easier. And I honestly think it’s because I loosened up and stopped giving a fuck.
Marketing. Let me tell you how naive I used to be. My friend bought me a bottle warmer so I thought I had to use it no matter what, because it was so nice of her. And so I did. I packed bottles in public to avoid breast feeding in public. Just to use the warmer. And I was unsuccessful at breast feeding my first, this was one of the many many reasons I failed that time. We get marketed to so much. We start to think we need things we just don’t need, or that the baby must have what ever item it is! Sippy cups are a good example. I know people who have saught after the most amazing expensive creative sippy cup on earth! Only this one cup will work, they looked so hard to find it…. but why not just skip the sippy if all the others weren’t working out for them? Babies don’t need sippies at all. It’s just it’s so common place we don’t think other wise. Marketing. We are advertised so heavily to, that it creates rules and problems, that we think we have to follow. And we don’t even realize it.
Naps, it’s widely known to any one who has ever spent more than two hours around a baby that they absolutely need naps! And yes! They do. I do too. With my son, I was so fixated on getting my “me time” during nap time that I kind of destroyed the rest of my day. But not this time. One of the best things that has kind of accidentally happened was teaching the twins to sleep on the go. And if they don’t sleep? Oh well, they will eventually.
When they were very little they cried in the car seat. They would only sleep on me. But my son had hockey. I did every thing I could to make them happy but they weren’t having it. Not unless I was holding them. But like it or not, they had to be stuck in the car for two hours, three times a week. I can’t say what age but they eventually got used to it. The time when they were crying in the car was horrible. I was terrified I was starving them, that they were miserable ect. But ultimately it came down to this; they were clean, just fed, let them cry. Needs met. Must meet my needs now.
As they got older they stopped crying in the car. They usually fell asleep. If not? they will fall asleep on the way home. What if they fall asleep in the car right before you get home? Go inside, grab a book, come back to the car, and read. Or nap. Or fuck off on your phone. I recently started doing this. And it’s made every ones lives easier.
It all came back to these imaginary rules I was following. Who said I had to bring sleeping babies in, I can just stay out side with them. Crap that car seat is heavy? Why am I lugging it around? Don’t! Who says you have to? I also recently stopped this, I can buckle a child safely in a seat with one hand. It sucks but I can do it. At my girls’ age I can set one down, but that will be short lived. Or hell, if you are leaving the car seats in the car at home you can just leave a baby in the house. Turning your back while the baby is in a safe place is totally fine.
Breastfeeding. Must stick to a scheduled? Can’t feed in public? throw it out the window. The two issues at hand are driving yourself nuts and isolating yourself, vs just popping a tit out at the table. With my son I covered. No matter what. You simply can’t do it with twins. Not with out some one helping you. But in all my time hoisting both titties out of the bra, I have never had any one say any thing mean. I have had looks, but I try not to face people. I also learned to feed in the moby wrap. But the times I have pulled them out for all to see that have been public, comes with a resounding, “oh wow, look at you, you can feed both of them??” and that, it just boosts confidence so much.
Same with putting the baby down for a nap. I only started co sleeping out of desperation. I needed to put these damn crying babies down. Seriously. They needed a nap as much as I needed a break. Babies are supposed to be put down for naps!!! But wait, if I just rest with them. Turn on the tv, get a book, play on my phone. Make sure I have water before we sit down.. I have it made. I remember the second twinning got easy. It was the first time I just let them sleep on me. I spent two weeks going crazy trying to get out to mow the lawn. It took two weeks but I finally got it mowed. But when I finally stopped… and I rested with them. Every thing got easy. I even started a blog upon my overly supportive husbands encouragement.
What “imaginary rules” have you been following?