Dear beautiful sister. Let me fucking play with your sister

Dear beautiful sister. I love you so much. I love holding your hand. But just look at your sister. She doesn’t get the same amount of time as you do. Dear beautiful daughter, I wouldn’t give up the time with you for any thing, but I need to love your sister.  Dear beautiful explorer, I love you. But seriously… Let my fucking hand go. Let my hand go so I can play with both of you. You are always holding my god damn hand. For three weeks now you won’t let go of my hand. You won’t play on the floor any longer. You crawl over to me and you hold my hand, and stand. And you stand. And you stand. OMG Look at how proud of yourself you are! Dear beautiful daughter, I hope you always have that confidence and empowerment.

 

Dear beautiful daughter sitting across the room. Playing contently alone. I love you. I am holding your sisters hand and I can’t get to you. But you are happy. You are playing. You are gaining independence. I hate independence I want to be needed. But I guess it’s best for right now that you are so happy alone. Dear beautiful child. I love you. I’m going to set sister down to play with you. Look at that smile. You are so happy I am here. God damnit. Your sister got herself stuck standing under the table with the breast pump. How does she even do that? Crap, she is crying. I’m sorry my independent baby… I am needed else where.

 

Dear beautiful hand holder. You let go. And you stood. On your own. Only for seconds. But you did it. After only a few weeks of trying. I am so proud of you. And while I was truly starting to get a little annoyed at this, I see you do it alone for the first time, and I know that I helped you do that. And you are so happy, and it makes my heart swell. Dear beautiful daughter, I promise to not get upset any more about this. Because one day, you will hold my hand like this for the last time. And I won’t know when that last time will be, until after it has come and gone.   And this knowledge makes my heart ache.

 

But then I will have to do this with your sister because you won’t share….

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