And some times every one is going to cry.
Very often a main concern of new moms of twins is that they don’t know how to handle two crying babies! The fear of a crying baby is a very real thing, don’t get me wrong. But having twins means you need to ground yourself from the get go. Crying can mean any thing from, “OMG MY STOMACH HURTS” to “god damnit my eyelash is sticking down again.” A firm understanding that all babies cry to communicate is essential. But even armed with the highest rationale and calmest demeanor doesn’t always mean it’s easy to cope with it.
But some times you just have to laugh. Tonight I had a night a “romantic” night out with my husband without our oldest child. Because I won’t let any one baby sit, we of course, had the twins. Now 7 months. I’m trying to eat healthier because for some reason unbeknownst to me, even while “donating” 600-1000 calories to the twins a day via breast feeding, I’m gaining weight. SO as gloriously easy as it is to eat french fries. I have to stop. Do you know how absolutely hard it is to shovel salad into your mouth over a baby who just wants to eat and reach all of your food? It’s hard. It’s frustrating. And I chose some thing spicey to go with it, because it would be easy to eat. But I didn’t think about how much the baby might melt down if she touched it when I ordered it. So I’ll keep it short, but dinner was a boobs in and out, grabby juggly fussy baby, spicy food hell.
My husband bowls. SO he left for bowling. I have to screaming babies in car seats. I leave them. Make their food. Get them out. They are still screaming. I decide not to put bibs on them and start jamming food in their mouths. But it doesn’t help. Every bite they eat, and start screaming again. This. This is when I get my calm. I know at this point, I can’t fix what is wrong, and still do what I need to do. This is my zone. But the crying is loud. I don’t have head phones near me, and it’s unfair to them to go looking for them. So I jam my phone in my bra strap with it blaring PANDORA as loud as it will play. I can’t hear the girls any more. They eat. They cry. I get up and go get jammies and insert for their night time change. They are still crying. I pick them up. They keep screaming. SO at this point I have started taking pictures of screaming babies and sending them to my husband. I still have my phone playing music over some of the most horrific cries I have ever heard. Not because they are in true distress, but because they are getting older and learning to cry in new ways. I even start taking selfies with me ridiculously happy with the angry babies! But guess what? They stop crying when I put up my phone! haha, the irony. Now I tandem fed them till they cried and then I finally was able to put them down for smiles and a bed time book. We nursed again and I sent them to bed.
So what can you do to when you have TWO crying babies?
- When one is crying and the other is not, I put the happy baby next to them and talk to that baby. I ignore the crying baby while changing their diaper or what ever.
- if the non crying baby cries, I just move her over and concentrate on one at a time.
- some times when it’s only one baby upset, or they are switching who is upset, I ignore the fact that there are two babies. I just pretend I have one very angry child.
- If you have a velcro baby who will not let you put them down, stop trying to make them function like you want them to, and just find a way to hold them. I spent months holding two babies. (I can cut veggies on a cutting board while holding two babies in my arms)
- If you need a break, put them in their pack and play and go take a shower. You usually can’t hear them in there.
- Always know, and be honest with yourself when you need a break. That will help the babies in the long run, because you work at your best when you think about yourself too.
- when you are doubting “loving both babies equally” remember they only know what you have shown them. And if that means crying for five extra minutes while you attend to their twin, they don’t know any different.
- Get ear plugs. It’s a joke to a lot of people. But it might be your savior. Or, noise canceling head phones.
- If you don’t have those, jam your phone in your bra and play the music as loud as you can.
- Find a mantra. Mine was very long and calm “it’s ok” trying to mimic my husbands voice.
- Some moms don’t feel like they can tandem carry their babies around, sit down and put pillows under you and them to hold your arms in place.
- Triage, who needs the most important thing first?
- Lock yourself in the bathroom and have a snack, a doughnut, some wine. Hell smoke some weed if it makes you perfect in the moment. No one is judging you.
And remember, your babies have never known a world with out sharing. This is normal to them. They love you. And they will love you if you take a break. Take selfies while they cry. They will love you no matter what. They have never known life with out you and their sibling. and they love you both. And always remember you are doing what so many women can’t. So many of us crumble under the weight of one baby, so much so that they say really stupid things to us at the grocery store.