Some times it’s hard, but I always try to stay mindful of how amazing this journey is.

I’m juggling 6 month old identical girls and an 8 year old with strep.

Girls go to sleep by 8. Now that my husband is off the farm he rocks them to sleep after they nurse. Some times they scream for a minute and we take it from there. So 8 pm rolls around and he takes the babies from me and goes upstairs. I get my oldest and bring him down stairs. He was been locked in his room for two days now, because he is sick. But when the babies are in bed I’m trying to have him be around me. So he comes down, I get his meds. I take his temp. We watch fifteen minutes of a show and baby B starts screaming bloody murder. I bring her down and nurse her again. And she is sweet and playful and won’t stop being awake. and then take her back up to dad. Because my son looks really bad and I forgot a med. So I take his temp 103, med, ice pack, bed the kid. And take baby A from dad to bed. I do the dishes. and then baby A starts crying in our bed room. So I run and get her. I couldn’t even pee after holding her for an hour with out her loosing her shit. Baby B wakes up and is crying off and on through all this but dad has her. He finally gets up to change diapers. And I hand him both babies and run upstairs to check my son, who has just puked. And remind him to keep his ice pack on. He puked because he was so dizzy when he shut his eyes. The fever is finally coming down though. I run back down stairs and get in the nursing pillow to feed both babies. Dear baby B is biting and pulling on my nipples. OMG fucking stop. She stops. and starts pulling my nipple out of baby a’s mouth. and it hurts. So I break down and say to pull out the swaddles. Baby B goes to sleep on me with in five minutes. Baby A stayed awake for another hour. I finally send dad upstairs to rock them both to sleep again. and it’s already time to give my son more meds for his fever! which had dropped to 100, thank you ice and antibiotics! So this whole thing has take four hours of me running around trying to manage every ones needs and my boobs.

But here’s the good. Because even when it’s rough, I always remind myself how amazing this is.

  • Baby A learned to get to her knees with her butt all the way in the air today. She then crawled backwards from the middle of our living room, through our walkway, and into the kitchen. Happy as could be the whole time.
  • My son came and sat on the stairs, he was curious why A was in the walk way and then he was just as excited as me when he saw her crawl, he is such a good big brother. This was right before bed time.
  • Baby B has made a game of biting my tit. She bites and pulls, I look down and she smiles. I finally told her no, this hurts mommy. and she did it again. I repeated myself. And she stopped. She then played with latching and unlatching and smiling with out hurting me. She understood me!
  • The whole nursing and refusing to sleep was full of smiles and talking and it was blissful. Sans the time.
  • Some time around 10 pm baby A used her first string of consonants. Which baby B had accomplished doing (and doing alot) yesterday.
    • In the time that B was asleep on me I was whispering to baby A. I whispered mamama, because she was looking like she wanted to talk. and she did it with her mouth but not her voice. I whispered “I love you” and she opens and closes her mouth three times. We did this more than once. It was the sweetest. and of course baby smiles the whole time. and laughter at the end before I gave her to dad, I had to chew on her a bit and get my giggles out.

I am tired. But I am truely blessed. I love my kids. I love my twins. I love these tired nights, because I got to see them longer. I got more smiles. Love. I got to give more love. I love these kids of mine. Trials and all.

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